Everyone is a survivor—at least at some level. No matter how hard we try to happily live the dream, at some point we face the reality that this world we live in is not Heaven, or Utopia, or anything similar. Some have survived unimaginable trauma. Others have survived less horrific events, but painful nonetheless. But who is measuring?
I am a self-designated survivor. No one gave me that title. I earned it. I gave it to myself. I’ve survived among other things childhood sexual molestation, a business partnership break-up, bankruptcy, job termination, a heart attack, divorce, the collapse of a ministerial career, public humiliation and the loss of friends, the death of my father, my mother suffering from Alzheimer’s, and now helplessly watching my wife of one year endure cancer surgeries and the barbaric treatment protocols.
The definition of a survivor for my purposes is a person who is living in the aftermath of one or more painful life events. Events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, the break-up of a love relationship, betrayal, rebellion of a child, public humiliation, loss of a job, loss of finances, loss of a home, loss of freedom, loss of friendship, loss of health, loss of innocence, loss of a dream, loss of hope, all kinds of abuse, arrest and conviction, alcoholism and addiction to name just a few.
I’m writing about this for a couple of reasons. First, I know survival. Not the stranded on a desert island with nothing but a Swiss Army Knife kind of survival, but survival in the everyday world where you have to live and interact with others. Where you have to pull it together after painful experiences and move on.
Second, and more importantly, I want to provide a helpful resource for others who are in what I call survival mode. That’s living within the emotional fortress we build around ourselves in order to deal with the pain. And survive.
Unlike most resources, which focus on one particular area of human suffering and survival such as grief, cancer, abuse, or divorce, this site examines the nature of surviving from a broader perspective. It explores the emotional impact of painful experiences of all types, whether they are of our own doing or not, and whether we have faith or not.
Being a man of faith, the God factor is important. How do we reconcile the realities of the things that happen to us with faith in a loving God and his promises? It’s a question that has been asked since the beginning and each of us must find the answer for ourselves. Where is God during our suffering? What purpose can he have for our pain? Is it alright to be angry at God sometimes? Believe me, I’ve worked through these issues from deep in the pit, and although there are no simple answers, there is some reason for hope.
In no way do I claim to have all the answers. I merely try to provide some understanding of the struggle and moving on with life.
The content here is certainly not intended to replace the help that can be provided by a qualified professional psychiatrist, psychologist, or counselor. Not even close. Such help may very well be necessary. In fact, my insights here are not based on academic study and research, or a compilation of the teachings of the great contemporary psychologists, but rather on my personal experiences with pain, and the observations I made during my years in pastoral ministry.
My hope is that all survivors will find this site helpful to understand a little about themselves, and how to move forward toward some measure of healing, and perhaps even on to thriving. But, even if you don’t ever achieve thriving, living with it as a goal is a lot more fun than surviving.
Surviving, in fact, is not even a goal at all. It is merely coping, existing, getting to the next day. It is what it is, and it’s not thriving.
So, fellow survivor, I hope you will be part of whatever survival community might be formed here. Make a few notes. Maybe start a journal. Engage in a little survivor-speak of your own. Do whatever it takes to bring down The Fortress and move on. That’s what I want for you. It’s what I want for all of us.
David
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