I mentioned at some point that I don’t intend for this to be a “journal.” Yet, since I posted about Jane’s major surgery that took place on Friday, I feel that I need to post an update. So many have expressed their concern and prayers for her.
Jane “sailed” through the surgery as she always does. She was in the OR for about 10 hours. Now, she is recovering very well. There is no word yet on when she will be home, but most likely she will be in the hospital for at least a week.
To say that we hope this will be her last surgery would be an understatement. On the other hand, in the cancer world “last surgery” can have more than one meaning. What we hope is that she is through going in for tumor removals and can get on with life as a cancer survivor rather than a cancer patient.
The expression “roller coaster ride” has probably been overused, but it certainly applies to our lives dealing with cancer and probably the lives of most others. The cancer is always at the forefront of life and depending upon the current situation, you are either high or low. When you find out about a tumor, you are low. When you get through another surgery successfully, you are high. When chemo makes you sick, you are low. When you are done with chemo, you are high. The cycle repeats itself, hence the “roller coaster” effect.
It’s difficult, but not impossible, to find an upside to the cancer. If I could change it, if I could make it go away like it never happened, I would do so without hesitation. Having said that, it has had a profound effect on the way Jane and I look at things. So much in life that seemed so damn important at one time just isn’t anymore.
When I observe people around me and the things that are so very upsetting to them, sometimes I just have to chuckle. When I read some of the posts on Facebook complaining about something, I have to resist the urge to comment, “But you don’t have cancer.”
The cancer has also had an effect on my faith—in a way that I can’t quite explain. In the past, I would pray for healing for someone, with cancer for example, and when it didn’t happen, I would accept that as the way it was meant to be and my life would move on as before.
Now, when I pray for healing, and instead Jane gets another tumor, I take it a bit more personally. I can’t tell you how many times after a moving time of prayer, we have said, “How can God not answer that prayer? Then, we get the news of another tumor.
I no longer accept these things simplistically. It’s not as simple as a problem, a prayer, and a God solution (or not). The journey—the roller coaster ride—seems to be part of the plan. God’s answer isn’t always an end result, but rather it is the getting there.
That doesn’t mean I like it. It doesn’t mean I don’t take the “answers” to my prayers personally. But I do have to look at things outside the box we tend to put God into. Otherwise, I would go crazy. So, I try to make sure I’m strapped in for the ride.
David,
MANY thanks for the update and for yet another wonderful post. I love your writing and share them with others… Thanks for being there for Jane and being inspiring yourself!! Hugs from Dallas!
Amy
I am adding my prayers to yours. I am glad that Jane has you there by her side through this. I am praying that one day you are off that roller coaster and saying, “No thanks,” to another ride.
I know that discovering another tumor can be discouraging. Since you mention prayer I am assuming that you also believe that God is not the source of this cancer, but that the enemy is. When another tumor emerges it is a way of pulling attention away from the healing power of God and back onto the circumstances, so keep your focus on God.
Our pastor tells us you can’t think two thoughts simultaneously, so find a good list of healing scriptues and keep saying them when fear comes up. On my blog on the left side is a link that says, “Healing Scriptures” feel free to use those or some of them. They are the ones Joel Osteen’s mother used to battle and win against her cancer. Keep a word of God in your mouth and mind to battle fear. It is a choice to do that. God is always telling people to not be afraid, and when fear grips me, I need the help of scriptures to push it down.
Doctors are also God’s way for bringing about healing. I pray that the doctors have supernatural wisdom and understanding and find the best and least invasive way to battle this cancer. May Jane come out victorious.
Heather
Thank you, Heather, for your sweet words of faith… and your prayers.
No, I do not believe that God is the source of the cancer. I do believe that he allows the pain that comes into our lives, however, and tumors are no exception. It follows, then, that whatever he allows, he allows according to his own purpose. There is comfort in that, but it doesn’t always stop the highs and lows of life. You are certainly correct that the Scriptures are a stabilizing influence and the way to stay on the path of victory… no matter what happens in the world around us.
David
David,
Jane, and others like her, have been an inspiration to me for the past two years. Your mentioning people complaining is poignant, because I’m tempted to complain. After all, it’s been 2 years, and the Lord STILL hasn’t supplied me with a permanent or suitable job!
And then I hear how Jane is doing, not only the times at the bottom of the cancer roller coaster, but also the times when she’s at the top, wondering if the ride may be smoothing out. And I rejoice in our Lord comforting her through this, and our Lord holding my family up in His wonderful hands!
God bless you both, and we continue to pray for you.
You said: I no longer accept these things simplistically. It’s not as simple as a problem, a prayer, and a God solution (or not). The journey—the roller coaster ride—seems to be part of the plan. God’s answer isn’t always an end result, but rather it is the getting there.
Sovereignty is an issue we’ll never resolve. We’re told we have not because we ask not. Yet when we ask, we still do not have.
Your quote is put wonderfully. I think often, we find comfort in that we are along for the ride in God’s plan. We take responsibility for our actions, find comfort in His love when we experience pain, and look to His future resolution of all things.
Tough? Yes. Without a doubt. But well worth the ride.
Well said. Well said.
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